So before you read this post, you really need to look at the first part (seeing a psychologist here) which gives some background on how and why this meeting came about. In my last couple of sessions with the psychologist, we prepared for this meeting. It was hard to do though when we didn't know what the others were bringing to the table. Actually our last session had to be done over the phone and I never feel quite as relaxed with that as I do talking in person. So I didn't feel ready for this to be honest. It's such a hard illness to hold discussions on, because there's no right or wrong way to deal with it or no tried and tested method that works for everyone. I am constantly told that nobody knows what to do with me. They are frustrated. I'm obviously frustrated. So I wasn't expecting miracle cures or magic wands I'd never known about before. I didn't know what we were going talk about though. I wish I'd written this post straight after the meeting, but I began my previous post and didn't have time to finish that. Once I got home there were so many things I thought I should've said (great one for "after the event") and I felt I had a lot to talk about to the psychologist in the next session. As time progressed that feeling of being annoyed with myself for not thinking of it at the time was still there but I started to lose sight of what I wanted to say. That has now turned to a total jumble in my head (but I can't stop thinking about it) and rather than feel frustrated I'm getting angry. Not necessarily at myself, more at them for some of the questions and now I'm feeling...I think disillusioned would be the right word. I feel more confused than ever about what the next step is or what I should be doing and how I should feel after this meeting. So I'm sorry this post might not be as logical as it would've been had I written it back then, but I'm hoping as I get into my stride, I'll remember bits and pieces and it might also help get things straight in my head.
Monday, 26 September 2016
A week past Friday, I was up and at it early. Well early for me or any chronic illness sufferer. Being alert at that time of the morning can only mean one thing. No, sadly not limited edition shoes, that's thankfully usually a more attainable 12pm! I had a medical appointment. A meeting actually. It's happened reasonably quickly (in the NHS world) and I was keen to tell you all about it and get my thoughts from the day down on paper (so to speak) while it was all still fresh-ish in my mind. A bit of background first and something I haven't told you, I'm currently seeing a clinical psychologist and have been since last year. It's not my first donder down this path, years (and I mean YEARS) ago, I was referred by my doctor in the hope that they could offer something new to try, as they were dealing solely (in my area) with pain management and chronic illness. Back then I think I baulked at the idea. How could talking about an illness that was disabling physically and tiring physically, help me? Were people thinking this was an illness "all in my head" (not uncommon unfortunately) or even that I was depressed and in need of counselling? Did I say this to anyone but my nearest and dearest? No, I graciously accepted any help that was offered, mostly for fear of being mistaken for someone happy in their current situation, not in need of help and not willing to get better.
Tuesday, 13 September 2016
Last weekend I set about photographing the remainder of my Irregular Choice Alice collection. I'm in my element in this situation; surrounded by shoes and strange bits and pieces! Last time we had a tea party theme for My Cup Of Tea in pink, so I thought I'd contrast with Lost Your Muchness this time. Being a lover of quirky boots, I was thrilled by All Mad Here ankle boots from the first collection, so imagine how excited I was that we were getting "proper" boots in the second collection. Yes, I may have mentioned it more than once! Upon seeing the teaser, I immediately fell for these-they remind me of Irregular Choice's Babi (Blythe) mixed with All Mad Here and Curious Feeling (also from the 1st Alice collection). A three-way hybrid!
Thursday, 1 September 2016
The 2nd Alice instalment from Irregular Choice launched last Friday and my haul arrived this week. I honestly could've cried happy tears with how stunning all my purchases were (sorry, not sorry for spamming Instagram with all the snaps and videos). I've said this before, but even after all the character heels I own and hundreds (well more realistically, thousands) of shoes I've owned in my adult life, I still have to pinch myself to believe that these things really exist and that they are here in my hands. So many times they are shoes of dreams, fantasy shoes you didn't think could be reality and yet here they are. It's extraordinary. Over the next couple of weeks, I'll be reviewing each of the styles I tried (3 boots and these heels in two colourways) and of course I'll attempt to wear them for Shoesday Tuesday on The Shoe Girl Diaries with more fit information. So I'm going to begin with My Cup Of Tea, which I actually bought as a possible backup (only keeping one colour) and because I wanted to try a different size too.